This made me laugh!!

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  • This topic has 15 replies, 9 voices, and was last updated 1 week ago by Anonymous.
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  • 9th October 2021 at 1:14 pm #561186

    A bit of light relief  – well, it tickled me!

    9th October 2021 at 4:17 pm #561205

    Liked that, especially number 5 . Hmm, who does that remind me of I wonder?? Number 2 could also pair up with Brectum

    29th October 2021 at 2:07 pm #562238

    I know this is too early, but if I do not c&p it now I will forget forever……

    Anybody get stressed about Christmas Dinner ? Read this from a Sheffield butchers .
    Patterson’s Butchers Sheffield
    😂Just in case anyone is stressing about Christmas Day…………..! 😂
    Here’s my top tip
    🎄Christmas Dinner….
    I have concluded that the inevitable stress of Christmas dinner is created by adverts, supermarkets and TV chefs…
    It’s a Sunday dinner for goodness sake!!!
    The only difference is that you are allowed to open a bottle of wine before you open the kitchen curtains. 🍷🍷🍷
    🙄We do it quite happily 51 weeks of the year but can we the consumers be trusted to manage by ourselves on one day of the year…apparently not!
    Here goes…💓
    1. Turkey… It’s a big fecking chicken that’s all, 20 minutes per lb plus 20 minutes at 180 degrees – jobs a good un! Get yourselves a meat thermometer £3 off the Internet poke it in the offending bird if it says 75 degrees or over its cooked!👏🏼
    2. Stuffing – regardless of what Jamie Oliver says you do NOT need 2lbs of shoulder of pork, onions breadcrumbs,pine nuts and a shit load of fresh herbs to make stuffing….( no fecking wonder he’s bankrupt if thats what he spends to make stuffing!)😜
    What you need is Paxo and a kettle!! If you wanna liven it up squeeze 3 sausages out of their skins and mix that in with your Paxo before cooking 😉.
    3. Gravy – Jamie Oliver is copping for this one aswell….
    Bisto Jamie…. All you need is Bisto!
    I ( nor anyone else I know) has got time on Christmas Eve to muck about roasting chicken wings and vegetables, adding stock and flour,cooking it for another half hour, mashing it all up with a potato masher and then straining the whole sorry mess to make gravy 😠😠😠
    4. Vegetables…🍆 Never mind faffing round shredding sprouts and frying them with bacon and chestnuts to make them more palatable… If you don’t like them don’t buy and cook the fecking things!! If your family only eats frozen peas then that’s good enough!
    5. Roast potatoes… Yes I par boil mine then roast them in goose fat but Aunt Bessie also does the same 😉.
    6. Trimmings /Christmas pudding and the like…. Aldi or Lidl!
    (oh and while we’re on the subject of pudding- if birds custard is what your family likes on the wretched thing then that’s fine – you do not need brandy butter /rum sauce etc or anything else that costs a fecking fortune and takes 2 hours to make!)
    7. Family….
    Children.. Feed the little blighters first separately, if they only want turkey with tomato sauce – fine leave em to it, it doesn’t matter. Once they are fed bugger them off to play with their Christmas presents so that YOU can enjoy your dinner in Peace!
    Adults… Anyone that can manage to get their sorry arse to your dinner table is also capable of helping to serve up/ sort the kids out/ clear the table /wash up /dry up etc.
    And Finally…..
    NO ONE…. And I mean no one APART FROM THE COOK IS ALLOWED TO GET PISSED AND FALL ASLEEP BEFORE THE WASHING UP IS DONE!!!
    Rant over 😂
    🎄Merry Christmas!🎄
    Cheers 🍷🍷🍷🍺🍺🍺

    29th October 2021 at 2:11 pm #562239

    I just love that Stinks I’m going to pinch it if that’s okay? (and it is sooo true!!)

    29th October 2021 at 2:15 pm #562240

    Fill yer boots Fruity!

    15th November 2021 at 12:53 pm #563227

    Those of us of a certain age must surely remember George Brown the deputy leader of the Labour Party in the sixties – he did like a drink.

    Anyway – here’s a tale.

    Brown was attending an extremely prestigious occasion in London – everybody in full evening dress, medals, sachets etc. On the other side of the hall he saw this lovely vision in a long mauve gown.

    Seizing the opportunity he staggered over and asked her to dance. “No” she replied, “for three reasons”.

    “Firstly, I don’t dance with drunks”

    “Secondly, they’re playing my National Anthem and you’re having difficulty standing, never mind being able to dance”.

    And “Thirdly – I’m the Archbishop of Lima”.

    15th November 2021 at 1:05 pm #563228

    In the context of George Brown – what’s a sachet John James?

     

    15th November 2021 at 5:12 pm #563231

    Well spotted there Paul – And to think that 1 got English A level

    It should be “sachay” of course.

    15th November 2021 at 5:59 pm #563233

    That makes even less sense now John James – sashay being to walk in an ostentatious yet casual manner, typically with exaggerated movements of the hips and shoulders: I’m now completely baffled!

    15th November 2021 at 6:16 pm #563234

    Ceremonial Sash , chaps , or just good ol’ plain Sash :yes: :yes:

    15th November 2021 at 6:24 pm #563236

    Sashes …maybe

    15th November 2021 at 9:20 pm #563246

    If you’d seen George Brown try to walk in a straight line, then “sashay” wouldn’t be too far off the mark.

    .

    19th November 2021 at 5:41 pm #563380

    19th November 2021 at 6:12 pm #563383

    Bril Babeth , love it!

    Anonymous
    20th November 2021 at 1:12 am #563437

    Oh thank you for this ! !

    It leads to a newspaper photo of a great man with so called bigger failings, as I saw it in my youth.

    George Brown Deputy, Prime Minister to Harold Wilson in the days before there was a Ministerial Code to break ( thank God). I am not and have never been a Socialist but George was a proper one and a very gifted man who found the shackles of office unacceptable and lived life.

    It led the next day to the best Editorial Headline ever in any newspaper I have read, in The Times.….

    GEORGE BROWN DRUNK IS A BETTER MAN THAN HAROLD WILSON SOBER…..

    hats off whoever wrote and argued that. I think I still have the cutting somewhere.,

    Today it would all be about process not qualities….

     

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